Blowing my own mind
We think a gajillion thoughts a day (ok, maybe a slight exaggeration), affecting everything we do, so it’s no wonder so much of coaching is about working with your thoughts. When you’ve got a
broken record negative thought in your head, it’s difficult to make any change, much less the kind of changes you want to make in order to create an amazing life. So today I’m going to walk you through a true story (mine) of thought work that blew my ever loving mind recently.
I’ve been in a funk lately and very emotional (that last part is pretty normal. I FEEL my feelings.). A big part of that was feeling like Jeremy didn’t believe in my ability to achieve some of the goals I’d set for myself. We talked and talked about it and it came down to this: Jeremy had no idea why I felt like that because of course he believes in me. He knows I can do anything I set my mind to.
Yeah, right.
After we talked, I kept feeling like this for longer than I care to admit (it’s all a practice!). Finally, I remembered all the tools I have, and I sat down and did some work on this thought: “He doesn’t believe in me.” One turnaround I’ve found really powerful in the past is turning the thought to the self. So, instead of the thought being about another person, make it about yourself.
In this case, I turned the thought from “He doesn’t believe in me” to “I don’t believe in me.”
Ohhhhhhhhhhh.
Getting to that thought is just the beginning. Here’s what processing that turnaround looked like for me.
Mind blown: No wonder I was feeling so much distress; I was struggling to believe in myself and putting it on my partner! No wonder Jeremy was so confused - it had nothing to do with him. My mind had to find a way to get my attention, so it found a way to hurt me/get my defiance up by telling me that it wasn’t me with the doubt, it was someone else.
Duh: Of course this is all about me and my own beliefs. I can’t believe I didn’t see it sooner.
Ugh: This again? The old self worth/I don’t deserve it demon? I thought I had defeated this!
New determination: I am going to get right back into my self worth work. It’s a practice and I need to keep an eye out for some of these feelings when I’m attempting something new and difficult.
And that has shaped my actions going forward. Doing the thought work completely changed my outlook and my ability to take the right action. Knowing the problem lets you work on solving the problem.
I’d like to challenge you to do some thought work. Notice a thought you’ve been having about another person. Write it down. Now turn it around to the self and make it about you. “She’s not ready for a relationship” = “I’m not ready for a relationship.” “He talks too much and seems selfish” = I talk too much and seem selfish.” “He doesn’t believe in me = I don’t believe in me.”
When you turn it around to your self, does the thought still seem true? Does it blow your mind and make you realize something new about yourself? Does the thought bring up an insecurity? Whatever your reaction to the turned around thought, take some time and mull it over. What feelings or fears does it bring up? How could turning the thought around like this turn around your actions?
Give it a whirl. Maybe your mind will be blown too.
P.S. These turnarounds are based on Byron Katie’s “The Work.” There are a variety of turnarounds you can do with thoughts and I recommend it for non-trauma related thoughts. If you are processing a trauma or experiencing a mental health crisis, I do NOT recommend thought work on your own. Please seek help with a licensed mental health specialist.